come the fuck on

[hemomancer]

It's a bright New England winter day. Xan and Leo have elected to take the tunnels from Poe dorm to the Powers Theory classroom, because regardless of their Exemplar ratings, they're still from California and it's eight degrees out. And the tunnels have central heating. Glorious, glorious central heating.

In the middle of an extended diatribe against artificial turf, Xan opens the door to Schuester Hall, which is... not the door to Schuester Hall.

Xan peers at it. "Are we being pranked or something? Has someone not been informed that I piss napalm?"

"You bleed napalm," notes Leo. "If you were pissing it we'd have a medical issue on our hands. Somebody could've thrown up an illusion, but I don't really see the point of replacing Schuester with... a bar? With some chick inside? Like, what, we're going to whip out our fake IDs and get in trouble? But Mom always says that if you can't see the point of a trap then whoever set it is smarter than you are. Let's go down the hall and take the south door."

"Jesus Christ," Xan mutters, hauling Leo in by the arm. "Let's avoid the cool-as-shit magic bar, he says. You're such a fucking girl."

Leo makes a noise of protest. "I'm working on that! And I object to your manhandling!"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

They behold the bar. It's a very nice bar. It has a window to some exploding stars. "Huh. I'm... pretty sure that's magic of some kind," notes Leo.

"So am I, dipshit, we're both wizards."

"Just making conversation."

Comments

[callmeleo]

"Yeah, I'm talking about Power Pork. Damara, I hate to break it to you, but that is the shittiest codename."

[stonedtimewitch]

"Give me a better one or deal with that one."

[callmeleo]

Leo ticks down his fingers. "Clockstopper. Chronomancer. Hourglass. Momentum. Timer. Shall I go on?"

[stonedtimewitch]

"Do you have one that doesn't make me sound like a sentai villain or a kitchen appliance? You get bonus points if I can also theme it with a cute costume."

[hemomancer]

"Tempus Fugit? You could wear tacky angel wings. Sky could accuse you of cultural appropriation."

[callmeleo]

"Sentai villain names make the best codenames, honestly. He's Hemomancer, I'm Scion, we know a guy called Stormhammer... You learn to deal with it."

[stonedtimewitch]

"Just call me Damara until I do something cool, I'll get a codename that way... Also hemomancer, really? This is my second language and I see all puns"

[hemomancer]

"Bite me."

[callmeleo]

"I keep saying, you should just make it official. Rename yourself Homomancer and have done."

[hemomancer]

"I swear to God, I will castrate you with your own teeth."

[callmeleo]

"I said nothing."

[stonedtimewitch]

"I'm pretty sure he still wants you to bite him." She fails to resist laughing at this situation. "Atleast my choice would have also given me the nickname time bitch."

[hemomancer]

"That it would."

They've reached the roof. "Alright, suit up. I'll carry Damara, since I can actually fly with passengers."

Xan and Leo twiddle their fingers at length while muttering. Once this is complete, there's a sequence of special effects reminiscent of a magical girl transformation, and they're abruptly dressed in black full plate. Leo's is inscribed with runes in some odd golden metal, whereas Xan's is in red. Their gauntlets have additional inscriptions in silver, and their helmets are exceedingly fancy and made primarily out of their accent materials.

It's all a bit flamboyant, but the end result is fairly menacing. Xan flips up his visor and nods. "Shall we?"

[stonedtimewitch]

"When do I get to be a magical girl?" Damara asks, holding on to Xan. "I want to be able to flash everyone before I fight." Despite her jokes her smile is more of a happy child then of a cruel bitch. She starts to make plans to validate all her years of cosplaying.

[hemomancer]

"You'd have to learn magic first- our magic, not your magic. Which is friggin' hard. Unless you're a Wiz-class mutant, which you are almost certainly not. If you join our team I can do it for you if you like."

As he speaks, wings of crystallized blood burst out of his back along convenient prongs in his armor. Shadowy bat-wings do the same for Leo. They leap off the roof and soar towards a nearby tree, which turns out to be concealing an invisible treehouse. "Welcome to the Haven. Here, people who can fly get stoned. You are now among that august body."

[stonedtimewitch]

"I am glad you are using your powers appropriately and responsibly." She takes out the blunt she had been smoking throughout this rather ridiculous day and lights it. "I might just join your team if you can make me look like a sailor senshi. They do have Sailor Moon in this world right?"

[hemomancer]

"Leo can probably tell you more about that than I can."

[callmeleo]

"God damn you to hell. Yes, I can name all the fucking senshi and design their costumes for you in appropriate colors and materials, and I can probably turn you into a fucking fan-senshi if you want. I was a little girl for a very long time, dammit!"

[stonedtimewitch]

"There is lots and lots of porn made by adult men so you do not have to feel shame about liking it. Not that you should feel any shame at all, not unless they also have the bad remake in this world and you happen to like it."

[callmeleo]

"Ugh. Remakes."

[hemomancer]

"Leo being fucking ridiculous aside, I recall a purpose to this expedition. In the spirit of friendship, I will share my pot with you on this occasion."

[callmeleo]

"Fucking hell, the world is ending."

[stonedtimewitch]

"Or your boyfriend knows what is good for him. Although if we are going to end a world lets end the one I came from since everything of value besides my sister's corpse has left."

[hemomancer]

"Sorry about your sister, I guess." Xan pulls out the bag he got from Milliways and passes it over with some papers, after rolling one for himself. He lights his with a flick of his thumb.

[callmeleo]

Leo takes out his own stash, but uses a pipe. He uses the same lighter spell.